Say It Once
by syriala
Summary: Written for this one sentence prompt on Tumblr: "It's fine even if you don't love me."
Bucky knew that his bad days made him cranky and moody and he was glad that they didn't happen so often. What Hydra had done to him was horrible but usually he could deal with that in an appropriate way. But some days that wasn't an option and when that happened, when that horror got the best of him, he turned into a terrible human being.

Just as today. He didn't hid because he didn't want to see anyone, but because no one wanted to see him on these days, and he knew it. He lashed out at anyone who would try to keep him company and by now everyone knew to stay clear of him.

The only ones who hadn't gotten that message were his boyfriends. He was still a bit in awe over the fact that Tony and Steve had accepted him into their relationship, that they obviously felt something for him, even though he was under no illusion that they would never love him like they loved each other.

But that was fine, he loved them enough to just want them to be happy and they were so good for each other. And for him, if he was honest, because they took everything he did in stride. Even his insults.

Still, he wished they wouldn't come to him on these days, because while he was still incredibly nasty, a lot of his insecurities tended to come through on these days. Just like today.

"Bucky," Steve announced himself when he entered the room Bucky had hid in and Bucky closed his eyes. This wouldn't end well.

"I want you to leave," he snarled but Steve shrugged.

"Not happening and you know it."

When he stepped into the room Tony was right behind him and Bucky sighed. He was torn between being really grateful that they were here and yelling at them to leave him the fuck alone.

He did neither of those things and instead buried himself in a blanket.

"We're here for you, okay?" Tony asked and Bucky mumbled a low "I wish," into the fabric.

"What was that?" Tony asked and Bucky could just picture him looking questioningly at Steve.

"He said 'I wish'," Steve answered and Bucky cursed. Their enhanced hearing was sometimes a curse.

"You wish what?" Tony asked him and sat down on the bed, rubbing his back.

"We are always there for you, you know that, don't you?" Steve questioned and Bucky wished he could melt into the mattress.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he said, not with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

He wished he would be there for him like they were for each other, but since he was just a late addition to their relationship he was painfully aware that that wouldn't happen.

"Bucky," Tony started and he sounded unsure now. "Have we ever given you the impression that we wouldn't be? That you're not important to us?"

"Of course not," Bucky sighed and allowed Steve to pluck the blanket from his face.

"Have we done something to make you doubt us?" Tony continued and Bucky sighed even deeper.

"No," Bucky exclaimed and then took a deep breath. "It's alright. It's fine, even if you don't love me, really, it's okay."

He still had his eyes closed and so he only heard the sharp intake of breath from his boyfriends.

Before he could open his eyes, he was pulled into a fierce hug.

"You goddamn idiot," Steve said into his neck, while Tony pressed himself against Bucky's other side.

"Of course we love you!" he said and his voice didn't leave room for doubt.

"You don't have to lie to me," Bucky mumbled. "I know this can never be the same as the thing you two have going on and I'm okay with that."

"First of all," Tony said while he pulled back and forced Bucky to look him in the eye, "if it bothers you this much you are obviously not okay with it. Secondly, of course we love you, Bucky."

"Tony and I might have been together before, but that doesn't mean we love you any less."

Bucky looked forth between them and he couldn't find a trace that they were lying to him.

"But you never said it," Bucky unsurely said.

"Bucky, how often did you hear me say it to Tony?" Steve asked him and Bucky had to think really hard before he said "Once."

"Exactly. We're not good with saying it," Tony explained and Bucky frowned.

"But it's so obvious that you love each other."

"And why is that?" Steve asked him.

"It's in the way you look at each other and you always touch and you do these sweet little things..." Bucky trailed off when he suddenly realized that they did the exact same thing with him.

"You love me?" he asked them to make sure and they both pulled him into an embrace again.

"Of course we do," Tony breathed into his hair and Bucky felt himself relax. Maybe this bad day wasn't so bad after all, if it got him this.


End file.
